The New Norm

We hear the words, "the new norm", fairly often anymore; too often, probably. It has become a favored phrase. So, why am I now using it?  Well, because it perfectly describes my life for the past few years.  My physical life, my body.  Which also affects everything else in my life.

"The new norm".  The other day I read another magazine article with "The New Norm" as the title.  I could have written that article. Almost word for word.  The author wrote about fibromyalgia, it's effect on her life,the constant fatigue, the daily pain - her "new normal".  Anyone I've ever talked with who suffers with fibromyalgia could have written that article.  Again, almost word for word.  All "fibro people", nearly all I've talked with, use the very same words to describe life with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is a "pain in the neck". Literally. And in the arm. And in the leg. And in the face. And...in every part of the body.  It hurts. It hurts all the time.  Sometimes it hurts less; sometimes it hurts more.  Sometimes it hurts for so long at a time, and so badly, that I just sit and cry. The hurting never completely goes away.  The pain can lessen or worsen within minutes.  One moment my hands are puffy and so painful. As little as five minutes later my hands are "feeling skinny", as I put it. Five, ten minutes later still, they could be swollen and terribly painful again.

Some people call fibromyalgia an invisible disease.  When there is no bleeding, no broken bones or other outward signs of an illness there is often doubt from others that anything is "really" wrong.  This only adds to the sufferer's suffering. Actually, the "invisible disease" isn't all that invisible, at least for me.  I'm finding that my hands, fingers and even my face can look puffy and show pain when I am in a bad flare-up. Coping with my own so-called invisible disease has made me much more patient with and understanding of others with "invisible" diseases (diabetes, lupus, arthritis, etc.). The old "don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes" adage is something we all need to remember.

"Fibro" not only adds daily pain to my life, but during the worst, most painful flare-ups I find myself fighting getting depressed. I fight giving in to it, letting it beat me down for the day (and I often don't win that fight...).  I fight the guilt feelings I feel when the pain and exhaustion keep me from getting the house cleaned or when I, the pastor's wife, misses church services, or when I feel as if I'm letting my husband down..."Why would you feel like that?", he asks. "Well, just because I'm not able to 'do' as I used to, as least not as much or as often...", I say.  He reassures me. I make the same mistake as I've heard other fibro-people say they do: when the pain and energy level is "better" I try getting everything done that I haven't gotten done during the worst pain, only to collapse again.

The "new norm".  I've been angry about my new normal for several years now, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I've denied it. I didn't, don't, want to accept that I have a new norm in my life. I'm finding, though, that no amount of denying it changes anything - I DO live with a new norm, and have for some time.

"Look to the Lord, and his strength; seek his face always."  (Psalm 105:4/NIV Study Bible)

God has promised to be my strength. While I am wasting so much energy denying the new norm of my life, God is quietly waiting for me to turn to Him and accept His strength to help me cope with this change in my life.

Accepting  my life's new normal is the way to go.  Accepting it won't make the fibro go away, won't make me stop looking for ways to stop the pain or hoping for a cure.  Accepting, though, goes a long way towards lowering stress about it.  Accepting isn't "giving in" but it reduces my anger about it; I can point the energy used in anger and denial in a more profitable direction.


New norms.  We all face new normals of one sort or another, whether from medical problems, aging, changing jobs - any number of reasons. The new norms of our lives are often not welcome changes; we may scream at them, ignore them, deny them. But they stay. Acceptance helps us to get along with our new normals.

Accepting God's strength helps us to accept and work with these changes in our lives.  He doesn't promise to eliminate all the bad things in our lives, but He offers us His strength to help us live with our new norms.  God is there for us.  He waits for us to turn to Him, or turn back to Him if we've turned away in despair

We can accept that our lives have changed, can accept the "new normal", whatever that may be, however hard it may be by accepting God's love and help.

"The writer in Psalms says, "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge, and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' "  (Psalm 91:2/NIV Study Bible)

I want to accept His offer of refuge, His strength.  I want to trust Him with my pain, my fatigue, my tears and despair.  I want to accept God's promise and hand Him my "new norm".  I want to trust Him to help me work with and cope with it. I want to keep trying to rest in His promise to be my refuge and strength, for without it, this "new norm" will defeat me.

Be Still

Yesterday I was reading a short devotional that had to do with "being still".  The Scripture verse it cited was Psalm 46:10(a) - "Be still, and know that I am God ...".

As a grandma now I find it easier and easier to "be still" ... physically, anyway.  Some days it seems that's about all I can do - be still.  The aches and pains force me to be still.  My brain thinks of all kinds of reasons NOT to be still; my body, with its lack of energy, thinks otherwise.  The recliner is always there beckoning me to plop down and be still. 

There was a time, when our four children were growing up, when I couldn't give in all that often to any aches and pains.  Mothers of children-at-home need to keep moving; keep doing. Physically AND mentally. They just have to keep pushing on no matter how they feel.  All mothers know this.  "Being still" was too often such a  huge stretch of the imagination - I couldn't take it seriously. There was no time to "be still".  Really, God, could You have been joking?

But as hard as it can be for some to slow down and "be still" physically it is, for me anyway, even harder to "be still" mentally and spiritually.  I might well give in to that recliner ... stretch out ... relieving some pain ... be still physically  but, once I am there, my mind will more than likely be racing all over the place. 

I find it hard to keep my mind "still", to not be thinking constantly of one thing or another. "Be still, and know that I am God", says God.  Okay, I hear You but ...  could You sort of help me out here?  Turn the brain waves down or something?  Maybe block out all those "what'll I fix for supper - I've got to call ... I need to take the clothes out of the dryer - gotta finish reading that book - better call the kids, etc." thoughts?

It's so HARD, God, to BE STILL and "know" You.  Being still ... having a calm, blank mind seems so simple.  It isn't.  Is that why You put that in Your Book, God?   Because You already knew how we humans would be racing through life in both body AND mind/spirit?  You already knew we'd NEED to be reminded to slow down; to be still?  Because You knew all along that we busy, busy, busy people would  HAVE to be told: "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD ..."?

Certainly in this day and time we need reminded to do just that.  "Be still and know that I am God".  Yes.  Be still.  We NEED to be still.  We NEED to know that God is God.  We NEED to be still and know that God is God and be still so we can hear what He has to tell us.

God knew, and knows, that we NEED to do this.  He knows that our "being still" is just as important to us as breathing the air - we NEED it.  We NEED to know Him.  We NEED to hear Him.  We NEED to know where He's leading us.

Though I do find it difficult, my prayer is that I will be able, more and more, to "be still" and know God - know Him better and better and better.  How about you?

Rainbows Over Suffering

Oh, goodness!  I'm thinking of rainbows right now.  Lord, give me a rainbow!  Lord, give my friends rainbows, in the midst of their storms!  Oh, God, show them - show us all - a symbol of Your presence here in the middle of all the sadness so many are facing.  Right now. This very moment. Cover their sufferings with the encouragement of a rainbow - the promise from You that their lives will get better, whether you remove the suffering or not.

"By the rivers of Babylon we sat and wept when we remembered Zion."  (the Bible / Psalm 137:1 / NIV)

David, of the Psalms, wrote this ... though for a different reason, I, too, am "sitting by the rivers of Babylon, weeping and remembering".  Weeping for friends who are sad, frightened and suffering at the moment: cancer, death,  waiting a diagnosis, etc.  Praying that God will heal, will comfort.  Praying that He will, indeed, stretch that rainbow over each of their lives, as well as over the lives of their friends and families who are right there for them. I sit by the waters of Babylon and wish there was no suffering. For them.  For me.

I've been reading a book by Philip Yancey,Prayer, Does It Make Any Difference?, reading today from chapter 15, "The Sound Of Silence".

"At that moment I needed prayer as much as I needed air
      to draw my breath or oxygen to fill my blood ....
A void was behind me.  And in front a wall, a wall of darkness."
                                                              -Georges Bernanos-

That's about how I feel right now; my friends, who are in the midst of their suffering, even more so.  Prayers have been going up, right and left, from so many, from so many countries .. yet, we see that some of those prayers will not be answered as we wished them to be. One friend's breast cancer will STAY breast cancer. Why, God?  A young couple's child may, right at this moment, be dying.  Is THAT an answer to ALL THOSE PRAYERS, God?????  The parents are feeling strongly that "void" behind them - and that "wall of darkness" in front of them.  They SO need to see that rainbow.  Oh, God, please paint it over their heads right now at this very moment. Pierce that wall of darkness with the peaceful beauty of the rainbow.  Let them feel Your presence with them, even as their hearts are breaking - REALLY feel Your presence!

"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therfore we will not fear,
though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into
the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake
with their surging."   (the Bible / Psalm 46:1-3 /NIV)

We DO, of course, fear; we DO experience the pain and sadness of suffering.  You DO understand that, God.  After all, You created us - with our human feelings and emotions.  David felt those same fears, pains, sufferings. Yet, he also knew You were there - even when he was feeling the doubts; beneath it all he KNEW You were there for him.  I'm praying right now that, even if I am angry, sad, not understanding about the WHY of the things happening to my friends that I, too, as well as my suffering friends, will also remember, as did David, that You ARE there for us.  You DO understand.  You stand ready with Your arms wide open to receive us, to comfort us as we struggle through the "roaring and foaming"  waters; as we dodge those cracks in the earth and the falling mountains.  Show them the rainbow, God!  Let them see again the promise that You are with them, that You do understand their pain and heartache.

In his book, Philip Yancey speaks of how we often want those "happy endings".  Oh, do we ever!  A grief pastor of a church in Colorado is quoted:  "Evangelicals tend to want to get to the happy ending.  Sometimes there is no happy ending, and we're simply suspended in grief.  When I'm with suffering people, I feel like a deep-sea diver accompanying them into the depths.  Come up too fast, and you'll dangerously decompress.  We need to stay with the grief for a while, feel it, let it out.  Maybe we can see things through tears that we can't see dry-eyed."

Yancey adds:  "Not only does God tolerate complaint in our prayers, the Scriptures fill in the words for us.  Eugene Peterson calculates that two-thirds of the psalms qualify as laments.  The Bible does not rush to a happy ending."

There are happy endings.  And there are not.  I am praying for the happy endings.  I will not completely understand  WHY, if there are not happy endings.  When I am too sad or angry or whatever to continue praying for the happy endings, I will rely on the Scriptures, the Holy Spirit, to "fill in the words for me".  I will make the clear decision to "stay" with God; to turn, once again, into His waiting arms for comfort.  To put the burden of not understanding/agreeing with how God chooses to handle my prayers into His hands.

God, show me the rainbow over all the suffering.  Most importantly of all, Lord, make that rainbow bright and shiny and beautiful over the hearts of my friends who are in the midst of the suffering.  Let them see it as the promise that You ARE with them; You ARE with their loved ones; You DO understand and feel their suffering - the promise that You will never leave them alone in their storms.