The New Norm

We hear the words, "the new norm", fairly often anymore; too often, probably. It has become a favored phrase. So, why am I now using it?  Well, because it perfectly describes my life for the past few years.  My physical life, my body.  Which also affects everything else in my life.

"The new norm".  The other day I read another magazine article with "The New Norm" as the title.  I could have written that article. Almost word for word.  The author wrote about fibromyalgia, it's effect on her life,the constant fatigue, the daily pain - her "new normal".  Anyone I've ever talked with who suffers with fibromyalgia could have written that article.  Again, almost word for word.  All "fibro people", nearly all I've talked with, use the very same words to describe life with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is a "pain in the neck". Literally. And in the arm. And in the leg. And in the face. And...in every part of the body.  It hurts. It hurts all the time.  Sometimes it hurts less; sometimes it hurts more.  Sometimes it hurts for so long at a time, and so badly, that I just sit and cry. The hurting never completely goes away.  The pain can lessen or worsen within minutes.  One moment my hands are puffy and so painful. As little as five minutes later my hands are "feeling skinny", as I put it. Five, ten minutes later still, they could be swollen and terribly painful again.

Some people call fibromyalgia an invisible disease.  When there is no bleeding, no broken bones or other outward signs of an illness there is often doubt from others that anything is "really" wrong.  This only adds to the sufferer's suffering. Actually, the "invisible disease" isn't all that invisible, at least for me.  I'm finding that my hands, fingers and even my face can look puffy and show pain when I am in a bad flare-up. Coping with my own so-called invisible disease has made me much more patient with and understanding of others with "invisible" diseases (diabetes, lupus, arthritis, etc.). The old "don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes" adage is something we all need to remember.

"Fibro" not only adds daily pain to my life, but during the worst, most painful flare-ups I find myself fighting getting depressed. I fight giving in to it, letting it beat me down for the day (and I often don't win that fight...).  I fight the guilt feelings I feel when the pain and exhaustion keep me from getting the house cleaned or when I, the pastor's wife, misses church services, or when I feel as if I'm letting my husband down..."Why would you feel like that?", he asks. "Well, just because I'm not able to 'do' as I used to, as least not as much or as often...", I say.  He reassures me. I make the same mistake as I've heard other fibro-people say they do: when the pain and energy level is "better" I try getting everything done that I haven't gotten done during the worst pain, only to collapse again.

The "new norm".  I've been angry about my new normal for several years now, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I've denied it. I didn't, don't, want to accept that I have a new norm in my life. I'm finding, though, that no amount of denying it changes anything - I DO live with a new norm, and have for some time.

"Look to the Lord, and his strength; seek his face always."  (Psalm 105:4/NIV Study Bible)

God has promised to be my strength. While I am wasting so much energy denying the new norm of my life, God is quietly waiting for me to turn to Him and accept His strength to help me cope with this change in my life.

Accepting  my life's new normal is the way to go.  Accepting it won't make the fibro go away, won't make me stop looking for ways to stop the pain or hoping for a cure.  Accepting, though, goes a long way towards lowering stress about it.  Accepting isn't "giving in" but it reduces my anger about it; I can point the energy used in anger and denial in a more profitable direction.


New norms.  We all face new normals of one sort or another, whether from medical problems, aging, changing jobs - any number of reasons. The new norms of our lives are often not welcome changes; we may scream at them, ignore them, deny them. But they stay. Acceptance helps us to get along with our new normals.

Accepting God's strength helps us to accept and work with these changes in our lives.  He doesn't promise to eliminate all the bad things in our lives, but He offers us His strength to help us live with our new norms.  God is there for us.  He waits for us to turn to Him, or turn back to Him if we've turned away in despair

We can accept that our lives have changed, can accept the "new normal", whatever that may be, however hard it may be by accepting God's love and help.

"The writer in Psalms says, "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge, and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' "  (Psalm 91:2/NIV Study Bible)

I want to accept His offer of refuge, His strength.  I want to trust Him with my pain, my fatigue, my tears and despair.  I want to accept God's promise and hand Him my "new norm".  I want to trust Him to help me work with and cope with it. I want to keep trying to rest in His promise to be my refuge and strength, for without it, this "new norm" will defeat me.

A great day ...

A glorious day in Kansas today - at least, here in Wellington.  Hubby John worked out in the yard and in the garden, planting seeds and plants - it's looking better every day.

  I kept myself from joining in since I've been spending lots of time the past three weeks or so at the chiropractor.  I have been mainly sitting in the recliner for the past two days, due to a pinched nerve on the left side of my neck.  Horrible pain, as anyone who has had the same problem knows.  :(   I've been to the chiropractor, been  using moist,  hot compresses and keeping a "thing" wrapped around my neck to hold it still..  And praying.  LOTS of praying.  And friends have prayed.  Thank the Lord, THANK THE LORD, truly, last evening my neck could suddenly move again.  I could turn it from  right to left and back again, with barely any pain.  It was, and is, at least back to where it was before the pinched nerve happened.  Not perfect.  But "do-able".  :)  I had already been coping with a pinched sciatic nerve for three weeks.  Of course, there HAD to be two DIFFERENT nerves being pinched; couldn't have been the same one causing all the problems.

Today, taking advantage of not having to be careful about moving the neck, I tried catching up on some house-work that's been getting put off.  Mistake.  I overdid it a bit.  The sciatic problem is still there and began making itself known after I'd been standing awhile. Ouch. I had an appointment at the chiropractor's (which has become my second home lately) this afternoon - that helped somewhat.  He was amazed, pleasantly, at how much better my neck was than it was last Friday.   We both were.  :)  Friday he had said that if it wasn't better today that I may have to go to the medical doctor for narcotic-type pain meds, in order to bear the pain, which was bad, REALLY bad.  I didn't want that.  Ah, well.............hoping and praying that the sciatica, too, will disappear or at least get LOTS better.  Please, God!

Since this was such a beautiful day, and I haven't been able to really enjoy any beautiful days lately, we ate supper outside.  John cooked hamburgers on the grill.  Yum!  Kept it simple:  hamburgers, chips and the trimmings. John and grandson Christian had ice-cream for dessert but, after two hamburgers, I was too full. It was nice sitting under the tree listening to the birds; watching "Sullivan", our English Bulldog, running around in circles, and admiring the growing garden.  I loved being able to lean my neck back far enough to stare up into the tree-top, taking in the beauty of the spring-green leaves accented with the dark branches. I'm always silently (too timid to yell it out) saying:   "Thank You, God!  You have created such gorgeous things!"

While I was still sitting at the table hubby went over to dig around in the dirt. I heard him say something to grandson Christian about a SNAKE.  Oh, no!  I don't WANT snakes to be in the yard - again.  Usually they are harmless garter snakes ... though "harmless" doesn't mean anything to me - a snake is STILL a snake.  :( Had I known we would be finding garter snakes or ANY kind of snakes in our yard four years ago when we moved here - this house would DEFINITELY not have been "the" one.  Oh, no.  Coping with the invading pesky little ants every Spring is bad enough.  But snakes...........Ugh!  Anyway, Christian was excited.  He ran around to the other side of the wood fence, in the alley, to follow the snake.  And caught it.  Held a stick down over it as he yelled, "Nonny!  Can you go get a jar?"   I had limped around to where he was to see if there was REALLY a snake.  There was.  It didn't look like a garter snake, either. Maybe it is.  Not sure yet. But, being the "wonderful Nonny" that I am, I went to the house to hunt up a plastic "something" to become the motel room for this snake.  I only had one, rather large, clear plastic food container (had better start saving up some more, I guess) that had been emptied of its biscotti contents recently.  It would do.  Back to grandson and his "find".  Ewwwwwwww - his "find" is squirming! Yuck!  He got it in the container, added some stuff (grass, a branch, etc.) and brought it to the porch  (he better keep that lid on tight....).  Later, I put air-holes in the container for that yucky snake (now that's really being a wonderful grandma!).  Yucky snake is now sleeping peacefully on the back porch.  Grandson Christian is going to ask a teacher tomorrow if she'd like it for her classroom (she supposedly mentioned one time she'd like one....) We'll see.  While I was making the air-holes, Christian jokingly said, "Nonny, what if I put the snake in your bed, and you climbed in, and....................."  I reacted QUICKLY to that:  "Christian, if you EVER do that, or even let that snake out in the house, I don't promise HOW I will react, but I can tell you now that it won't be a NICE reaction!!!!!" 'Nuff was said. ha!