The New Norm

We hear the words, "the new norm", fairly often anymore; too often, probably. It has become a favored phrase. So, why am I now using it?  Well, because it perfectly describes my life for the past few years.  My physical life, my body.  Which also affects everything else in my life.

"The new norm".  The other day I read another magazine article with "The New Norm" as the title.  I could have written that article. Almost word for word.  The author wrote about fibromyalgia, it's effect on her life,the constant fatigue, the daily pain - her "new normal".  Anyone I've ever talked with who suffers with fibromyalgia could have written that article.  Again, almost word for word.  All "fibro people", nearly all I've talked with, use the very same words to describe life with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is a "pain in the neck". Literally. And in the arm. And in the leg. And in the face. And...in every part of the body.  It hurts. It hurts all the time.  Sometimes it hurts less; sometimes it hurts more.  Sometimes it hurts for so long at a time, and so badly, that I just sit and cry. The hurting never completely goes away.  The pain can lessen or worsen within minutes.  One moment my hands are puffy and so painful. As little as five minutes later my hands are "feeling skinny", as I put it. Five, ten minutes later still, they could be swollen and terribly painful again.

Some people call fibromyalgia an invisible disease.  When there is no bleeding, no broken bones or other outward signs of an illness there is often doubt from others that anything is "really" wrong.  This only adds to the sufferer's suffering. Actually, the "invisible disease" isn't all that invisible, at least for me.  I'm finding that my hands, fingers and even my face can look puffy and show pain when I am in a bad flare-up. Coping with my own so-called invisible disease has made me much more patient with and understanding of others with "invisible" diseases (diabetes, lupus, arthritis, etc.). The old "don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes" adage is something we all need to remember.

"Fibro" not only adds daily pain to my life, but during the worst, most painful flare-ups I find myself fighting getting depressed. I fight giving in to it, letting it beat me down for the day (and I often don't win that fight...).  I fight the guilt feelings I feel when the pain and exhaustion keep me from getting the house cleaned or when I, the pastor's wife, misses church services, or when I feel as if I'm letting my husband down..."Why would you feel like that?", he asks. "Well, just because I'm not able to 'do' as I used to, as least not as much or as often...", I say.  He reassures me. I make the same mistake as I've heard other fibro-people say they do: when the pain and energy level is "better" I try getting everything done that I haven't gotten done during the worst pain, only to collapse again.

The "new norm".  I've been angry about my new normal for several years now, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I've denied it. I didn't, don't, want to accept that I have a new norm in my life. I'm finding, though, that no amount of denying it changes anything - I DO live with a new norm, and have for some time.

"Look to the Lord, and his strength; seek his face always."  (Psalm 105:4/NIV Study Bible)

God has promised to be my strength. While I am wasting so much energy denying the new norm of my life, God is quietly waiting for me to turn to Him and accept His strength to help me cope with this change in my life.

Accepting  my life's new normal is the way to go.  Accepting it won't make the fibro go away, won't make me stop looking for ways to stop the pain or hoping for a cure.  Accepting, though, goes a long way towards lowering stress about it.  Accepting isn't "giving in" but it reduces my anger about it; I can point the energy used in anger and denial in a more profitable direction.


New norms.  We all face new normals of one sort or another, whether from medical problems, aging, changing jobs - any number of reasons. The new norms of our lives are often not welcome changes; we may scream at them, ignore them, deny them. But they stay. Acceptance helps us to get along with our new normals.

Accepting God's strength helps us to accept and work with these changes in our lives.  He doesn't promise to eliminate all the bad things in our lives, but He offers us His strength to help us live with our new norms.  God is there for us.  He waits for us to turn to Him, or turn back to Him if we've turned away in despair

We can accept that our lives have changed, can accept the "new normal", whatever that may be, however hard it may be by accepting God's love and help.

"The writer in Psalms says, "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge, and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' "  (Psalm 91:2/NIV Study Bible)

I want to accept His offer of refuge, His strength.  I want to trust Him with my pain, my fatigue, my tears and despair.  I want to accept God's promise and hand Him my "new norm".  I want to trust Him to help me work with and cope with it. I want to keep trying to rest in His promise to be my refuge and strength, for without it, this "new norm" will defeat me.

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"Don't Mention It - Do Mention It"

Sandra Carol Mers Clayton

Comments  on the speeches today at the Tucson Memorial for the shooting victims.

Change

Life is full of changes, isn't it? Some changes are fun, some silly, some necessary - and some are just downright scary.

We had a weather-change recently; not unusual here in Kansas, I guess.  After some days of beautiful Spring weather - here came a left-over of Winter ... more cold and a light snow.  But it was a "fun" change (to me, anyway), 'cause I do like snow, and I got to burn more wood in the wood stove.  Plus, I KNEW Spring would be returning.  March is like that pretty much everywhere:  one day sunny and pastel - the next cool-blue and white again.  Right now we are back to the "sunny and pastel", with the daffodils and hyacinths blooming and the trees getting ready to green up.  My husband, who's been itching for quite awhile to jump into the gardening season, DID.  He's planted some lettuce, radishes, onions.  I even got into the gardening and planted the cute little pansies he brought home the other day. 

Yes.  Change.  Seasons change.  I welcome the seasonal changes.  Each new one makes me appreciate the last one AND the one-to-come even more.   With each new season I really DO find myself saying, "Thank You, God!  Thank You so much!"

"You make me glad by your deeds, O Lord; I sing for joy at the works of your hands.  How great are your works, O Lord, how profound your thoughts!"  (Psalm 92:4-5 / NIV version)

Then this week I've seen one of the "scarier" changes.  Disappointing, anyway.  Have to say it's a change that makes me angry.  Makes a LOT of people angry ... we "American People", as "they" say. (Now........aren't THEY  "American People", too?   Shouldn't "they" be saying "WE, the American people..."?)  Anyway, the passing of the health care bill is a big change, for sure.  And a rather slap-in-the-face change - from all I'm reading, since the majority of  "the American people" are STILL against the bill and have been going to many lengths to let our President and his Administration know it.  But our President and his Administration don't seem to CARE what WE, the "American people" think.  (It's not so much that the actual bill passed, though there are many problems with the bill; health care definitely needs changes ... but most of the people who passed THIS health care bill don't even know themselves all that is in it.)  It's that the President just plain doesn't care what the people he is supposed to be SERVING thinks! Those opposing him are so often labeled bigots, uneducated, racists, intolerant.  He doesn't seem too partisan about it, either - he doesn't seem to care what his OWN party-members who oppose the health care bill think.  Just today I heard him on t.v. rather gloating (as Madame Pelosi has also been doing) about the "win" and ridiculing those who opposed and lost.  Like a kid thumbing his nose at the "loser" and laughing.  Not too "Presidential" if you ask me.  But, he's given us the CHANGE he'd promised in his campaign speeches, and seems encouraged to go ahead and give us MORE of the changes he's promised. Well, I'm just hoping that we who oppose this bill for many reasons, have the guts to pass around some changes of our own when the next elections come up!

I seriously pray, "Lord, have mercy.  Spare us more of these 'changes'!" And I pray for wisdom for "me-and-the-rest-of-the-American-People", and for our leaders.    Wisdom is always needed - needed by the leaders of a country and needed by the rest of the citizens of the country.   We ALL need wisdom to know which changes to incorporate and which to oppose...and, if opposition is needed, wisdom to know HOW to oppose.

And God promises to give us that wisdom if we ask - if we want it:

"The Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6/NIV)

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all."  (James 1:5/NIV)

So, God - I AM asking ...  and I HOPE everyone else is, too!

C. S. Lewis quote..............

"If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, than all our efforts are in the long run hopeless.  But if it is, then we are making ourselves enemies to that goodness every day."
                                              (from Lewis' book: Mere Christianity)