The New Norm

We hear the words, "the new norm", fairly often anymore; too often, probably. It has become a favored phrase. So, why am I now using it?  Well, because it perfectly describes my life for the past few years.  My physical life, my body.  Which also affects everything else in my life.

"The new norm".  The other day I read another magazine article with "The New Norm" as the title.  I could have written that article. Almost word for word.  The author wrote about fibromyalgia, it's effect on her life,the constant fatigue, the daily pain - her "new normal".  Anyone I've ever talked with who suffers with fibromyalgia could have written that article.  Again, almost word for word.  All "fibro people", nearly all I've talked with, use the very same words to describe life with fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia is a "pain in the neck". Literally. And in the arm. And in the leg. And in the face. And...in every part of the body.  It hurts. It hurts all the time.  Sometimes it hurts less; sometimes it hurts more.  Sometimes it hurts for so long at a time, and so badly, that I just sit and cry. The hurting never completely goes away.  The pain can lessen or worsen within minutes.  One moment my hands are puffy and so painful. As little as five minutes later my hands are "feeling skinny", as I put it. Five, ten minutes later still, they could be swollen and terribly painful again.

Some people call fibromyalgia an invisible disease.  When there is no bleeding, no broken bones or other outward signs of an illness there is often doubt from others that anything is "really" wrong.  This only adds to the sufferer's suffering. Actually, the "invisible disease" isn't all that invisible, at least for me.  I'm finding that my hands, fingers and even my face can look puffy and show pain when I am in a bad flare-up. Coping with my own so-called invisible disease has made me much more patient with and understanding of others with "invisible" diseases (diabetes, lupus, arthritis, etc.). The old "don't judge me until you've walked in my shoes" adage is something we all need to remember.

"Fibro" not only adds daily pain to my life, but during the worst, most painful flare-ups I find myself fighting getting depressed. I fight giving in to it, letting it beat me down for the day (and I often don't win that fight...).  I fight the guilt feelings I feel when the pain and exhaustion keep me from getting the house cleaned or when I, the pastor's wife, misses church services, or when I feel as if I'm letting my husband down..."Why would you feel like that?", he asks. "Well, just because I'm not able to 'do' as I used to, as least not as much or as often...", I say.  He reassures me. I make the same mistake as I've heard other fibro-people say they do: when the pain and energy level is "better" I try getting everything done that I haven't gotten done during the worst pain, only to collapse again.

The "new norm".  I've been angry about my new normal for several years now, since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I've denied it. I didn't, don't, want to accept that I have a new norm in my life. I'm finding, though, that no amount of denying it changes anything - I DO live with a new norm, and have for some time.

"Look to the Lord, and his strength; seek his face always."  (Psalm 105:4/NIV Study Bible)

God has promised to be my strength. While I am wasting so much energy denying the new norm of my life, God is quietly waiting for me to turn to Him and accept His strength to help me cope with this change in my life.

Accepting  my life's new normal is the way to go.  Accepting it won't make the fibro go away, won't make me stop looking for ways to stop the pain or hoping for a cure.  Accepting, though, goes a long way towards lowering stress about it.  Accepting isn't "giving in" but it reduces my anger about it; I can point the energy used in anger and denial in a more profitable direction.


New norms.  We all face new normals of one sort or another, whether from medical problems, aging, changing jobs - any number of reasons. The new norms of our lives are often not welcome changes; we may scream at them, ignore them, deny them. But they stay. Acceptance helps us to get along with our new normals.

Accepting God's strength helps us to accept and work with these changes in our lives.  He doesn't promise to eliminate all the bad things in our lives, but He offers us His strength to help us live with our new norms.  God is there for us.  He waits for us to turn to Him, or turn back to Him if we've turned away in despair

We can accept that our lives have changed, can accept the "new normal", whatever that may be, however hard it may be by accepting God's love and help.

"The writer in Psalms says, "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge, and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' "  (Psalm 91:2/NIV Study Bible)

I want to accept His offer of refuge, His strength.  I want to trust Him with my pain, my fatigue, my tears and despair.  I want to accept God's promise and hand Him my "new norm".  I want to trust Him to help me work with and cope with it. I want to keep trying to rest in His promise to be my refuge and strength, for without it, this "new norm" will defeat me.