My husband came home from a nine-day emergency stay in the hospital on July 4th. Though we didn't celebrate the 4th this year with fireworks bursting in the air, our hearts were bursting with gratefulness that he was still with us. I could have lost him a couple of times from heavy bleeding. I never cease thanking God now that my husband was able to get to the hospital and was diagnosed and treated by such wonderful and capable doctors and nurses.
My husband, John, had had colon cancer four years ago, and has had regular colonoscopies ever since. He'd had his last one a week before he entered the hospital, bleeding profusely. He'd never had any bleeding from the colonoscopies before.
Our son and their four kids had been here for several days. The day the bleeding started my husband and son and grandkids were going to another town a couple of hours away to visit Grandma. Before they left my husband told me there had been some blood in the toilet when he went to the bathroom, but said it was probably from the colonoscopy and nothing to worry about so he would go ahead and go.
Mistake.
At noon he called from a restaurant where they'd gone for lunch before visiting Grandma, and told me to call his doctor, as there was a lot of blood when he went to the bathroom. The doctor said, "tell him to come straight to the hospital immediately - go to the lab, where I'll leave instructions ...". Long story, short: he was hemorrhaging so badly and his blood pressure dropping so quickly that he was admitted to the hospital right away. He was about two days in our local hospital, losing lots of blood and having transfusions. Late the afternoon of the second day he was sent by ambulance to a larger hospital in a larger town a half-hour from us.
In the new hospital the surgeon kept hoping for the bleeding to stop on its own . Tests were done to find the reason and location of the bleeding - which was from the areas where two polyps had been removed after the colonoscopy, and from some diverticulosis that was discovered during the colonoscopy. After several days of continual bleeding and transfusions, there was one day of no bleeding; giving everyone hope that surgery would not be needed. My husband was moved from the ICU unit to a regular room. The next day the bleeding started again, and the surgeon then decided he'd have to go ahead with the surgery.
Surgery happened. Colon removed.
The doctor came to tell me the surgery went well - that my husband was in the recovery room. And ... something else had come up during surgery ... "had to take out a small part of the small intestine as there was some hardness there, need to biopsy it for cancer; also had to cut a tiny piece of the liver that had a small nodule on it to send for a cancer biopsy ... will need to wait several days for the results ...". Wow. The colon surgery had been enough to take in; now, two biopsy results to wait on to see if there is cancer.
Thankfully, the biopsies came back early and showed no cancer. Now, we could concentrate on the colon removal and recovery. No colostomy bag was needed, as the small intestine was attached to the rectum. According to the surgeon there are many people living long and happy lives without their colons. God created such amazing bodies!
Minutes before my husband was rolled into surgery I asked him, "Are you still praying?"
"I've never stopped", he replied.
I quietly said, "I'm angry right now with God."
"Why?", my husband asked.
"Because I've been praying this wouldn't happen; that you wouldn't have to have surgery to remove your colon. That you wouldn't have to suffer through surgery again. How come God isn't answering my prayer?"
My pastor-husband looked at me, quiet for a minute, as we held hands, then said, "Sandy, has it occurred to you that He DID (answer my prayer)? We could have been in Haiti or somewhere else (Haiti was mentioned because we've ministered there) where we might not have been able to have the medical care I needed as I lost all that blood? Or, out somewhere where I couldn't have gotten to a hospital ...".
Well, no, it didn't occur to me, as I was honing in on the only way I thought God should be answering my prayer. I simply didn't want my husband to suffer anymore; and I thought I knew what was best.
My husband's answer, though, made me stop and think. God's way is not always MY way. My way may seem so logical from my human viewpoint - but God sees and knows and understands so much more than I can ever hope to this side of heaven. His answer made me think of the old "embroidery illustration": that our lives are like an embroidery-in-progress. We are down below, seeing only the knots, tangles and loose ends of the underside of the embroidery motif. God, though, not only knows of the knots, tangles and loose ends ... but He sees the top. He sees the whole picture. He knows what the finished piece will become.
So, it comes down to trust. Trusting God. I may not completely understand God's way; but I can choose to trust Him. Trust that He cares for my husband and knows what's best for him. Trust that He Cares for me and understands and forgives my anger at Him, my fears.
Psalm 31:14 (NIV)
"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' "
Psalm 30:11 & 12 (NIV)
(11) "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
(12) that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."
